Think about a time when you were forced to do something that you did not want to do, like having to get your weekly groceries. Imagine the same situation with choices. Consider how it feels when you have options, such as choosing a time that is less crowded to shop or choosing curbside pickup. Choice allows us to feel empowered during the decision-making process. Children experience the same positive feelings when given choices. Offering choices helps your child build autonomy, decision making skills, and motivation during preferred and more importantly, non-preferred activities.
Building choices into your child’s daily routine can offer many benefits such as reduction in tantrum behaviors, building confidence, fostering independence, and promoting autonomy. As parents we often operate on autopilot during daily routines with our children and dread getting to those non-preferred activities in the routines. Often providing choice can feel like a burden, but by taking an extra minute to offer a simple choice these non-preferred activities or difficult transition times can be more pleasant for all.
What should you consider when offering choices?
1. Keep it simple. Try to stick to only two choices and don’t offer more than 3 choices. We can all feel overwhelmed when there are too many options.
2. Offer choices that are reasonable, and one you can implement quickly.
3. Give your child time to think and respond before moving on. Not all children can make choices quickly. If your child needs a prompt making choices, let him know that you will count to 5 to give him time before making the choice.
4. Start with a lesser preferred choice before more preferred activities. For example, if a child requests to watch TV and still needs to complete homework, allow her to choose the math or reading assignment first. Use a First … Then sentence. “First math and reading homework need to be done THEN you can watch TV.”
5. Praise your child for making a choice. Make this a fun experience for your child and build up their confidence in decision making.
What are some examples of building choices into daily activities?
1. Allow your child to choose between two food options such as an apple or banana.
2. Allow your child to choose the sequence of the nighttime routine, such as choosing to brush his teeth or wash his face first.
3. During transitions give your child a choice of amount of such as 5 or 6 more minutes of the activity before transitioning to the next activity.
4. Ask your child if she wants to buckle herself in the seat or if she wants you to do it.
5. Ask your child to pick out his outfit before going to bed or in the morning if time permits.