Why is parenting style important?
Research indicates that the approach to parenting followed by an individual’s parents or caregivers bears influence on how the individual approaches relationships, challenges, and opportunities. So if, as a parent, you are interested in exploring your style and adjusting it there is value for your children as they grow and become adults themselves. This exploration and potential change may also positively impact your relationship with your children.
What are the 4 parenting styles?
Authoritarian
Authoritarian parents believe in strict rules and a high level of parental control with their children. They may be likely to participate in corporal punishment. These parents believe that their rules are expected to be followed without question. Obedience is the focus and negotiation is not a priority. Punishments may be a focus over discipline with feeling sorry for your mistakes as the expectation. Children of authoritarian parents are likely to become authoritarian parents themselves. They tend to grow up to be rule followers themselves but can carry resentment around that which can show up as aggression and lying in order to avoid punishment. These individuals may struggle socially with initiating and maintaining positive relationships. Oftentimes these individuals are uncertain about how to problem solve challenges and obstacles because their opinions and feelings have not been validated or considered. This lack of consideration also lends itself to problems with developing a positive self-esteem.
Authoritative
Authoritative parents engage with their children, validating their feelings and valuing their opinions. These parents have rules and enforce consequences. Overall, authoritative parents help their children understand they are valued and that adults are ultimately in control. Parents that adopt an authoritative parenting style focus their time and energy on preventing problems and utilize positive discipline strategies to build and reinforce positive behavior. These parents are generally pragmatic and flexible. Children of authoritative parents are most likely to develop into positively functioning adults that are able to advocate for their needs and express their feelings and opinions positively. They are able to make sound decisions weighing safety risks appropriately.
Permissive
Permissive parents can be attentive and warm and believe that being their child’s friend is important. They invite communication from their child about their problems but focus on listening and not sharing their opinions around the choices they are making. Permissive parents are lenient and save engagement only for when a serious problem occurs. Rules and consequences are not of a high priority for a permissive parent and they may find it hard to stick to consequences when they give them. Children of permissive parents can be more creative but have also been seen to be more entitled with a pension for taking rather than giving in relationships.
Uninvolved
Uninvolved parents are fairly segregated from their children. The household of an uninvolved parent has little or no rules. Parents that practice this style don’t focus on spending time with their children in conversation, playing, or engaged in other activities. Children of uninvolved parents don’t receive much guidance, nurturing, or attention from their parents. There is an expectation of the children around raising themselves. Children of uninvolved parents resist rules outside the home and struggle with self-control. These children regularly perform poorly in school and exhibit frequent behaviors. Emotionally, these children find it difficult to engage in being happy and have low self esteem.
Which of the 4 parenting styles is the best?
The one that is most highly recommended overall is the Authoritative parenting style. The American Academy of Pediatrics states that a balanced, authoritative parenting style has been strongly associated with positive mental health and behavioral outcomes in children and adolescents.
It is important to acknowledge that each offers different pros and cons and that there is no one right way to parent. The value of knowing yourself and your child can go a long way to blending several of the parenting styles in a way that works best for you and each of your individual children. Parenting is not innate in anyone. Each individual that engages in the role of parenting brings with them their previous experiences with their own parents and caregivers. It can be difficult to know what is needed if your support system or previous experience is lacking.
What can I do if I want to change or further develop my parenting style?
Start with examining what you believe your current style is and identify the parts of it that you believe positively support the goals you have for your relationship with your child. Focus on supporting them with developing a positive sense of self and aligning with your family values.
Pay close attention to when your tank is running empty and make sure you work to fill it up. Good parenting isn’t possible if you are not taking care of yourself. Be warm and loving, set developmentally appropriate expectations and listen to your children’s concerns. Helping them to be seen and acknowledged assists with their development of a positive sense of self and can result in them treating you with the same respect. Try to find ways to say yes and tell them what you want to see more of so that they can be positively motivated in the direction you would like.
Parenting is challenging as an individual and with a partner. There are times when you are not sure how you want to proceed or are not aligned with your partner. Communication and support in this is valuable and important to feeling successful. Don’t be afraid to ask for support. Parent coaching is available and assists with parent self assessment, objective support and feedback, and can provide understanding when you are feeling challenged.