A blended family is a family formed from a relationship where partners make a life together and one or both of them include children they have from a previous relationship. The process of forming a new, blended family can be both a rewarding and challenging experience. As the adults in a new relationship, you may be filled with excitement and anticipation for this new experience, your children may not be nearly as excited. They may experience feelings of uncertainty about how your new relationship will impact them and affect their relationship with you. Having to form new relationships with a new adult and other children can be quite anxiety provoking. What if I don’t like them? What if they don’t like me? What if my parent likes the other children more than me? These are a few of the possible thoughts swirling around for your children.
You may experience a resistance to the change from your children while you were hoping for a seamless transition which includes a continuation of functioning the way you did before. Other adults in the situation may also contribute to the barriers you are facing, especially if they are not on board with your new relationship. This can put the children in a situation where they are confused about who to listen to and how to manage the discontent. Blending families can be stressful and take a toll but there are things you can focus on that will support the transition to a new family filled with promise and new beginnings.
- Communication and Support:
Developing open and honest lines of communication is the cornerstone of all relationships and blended families are no different. Parents need to be prepared to role model this for all of the children involved in the family. Having an on-going family meeting to develop a safe space for sharing and supporting open dialogue allows all members to be a part of the conversation and decision making. If you are feeling out of your depth there is support available. Family therapy and Parent Coaching with a therapist is an excellent way to plan, prepare, and work through challenges that may feel bigger than you thought they would.
- Trust and Respect:
Trust and Respect take time to build between family members. Patience is an integral part of this process. Being able to actively listen, focus on the present moment, and validate each other’s feelings supports that you are invested in the other individual and their unique perspectives. Role modeling empathy and compassion engages others to do the same.
- Vision and Goals:
Develop a framework for a vision and goals for your family. Invite everyone to take part in fleshing it out. Having a shared vision and goals allows its members to have buy-in and feel aligned in the family journey. Focus on having goals be achievable and be open to revising them when needed. Remember to celebrate wins!
- Flexibility and Adaptability:
These are critical skills in a blended family. Circumstances can change regularly and these transitions can be challenging to manage and accommodate for everyone. Focus on developing skills of negotiation and compromise. When change arises try to to react impulsively and instead take a breath and pause to think through how you are feeling and want to react. Creativity can be key!
- Routines and Traditions:
Developing routines that fit your families unique needs helps everyone with feeling like they have a structure they can rely on. Get everyone involved in the development of routines so that they buy into the larger family purpose. Routines displayed visually and virtually on a shared platform allow for questions and heads up around potential barriers or needed changes. A blended family allows for the perfect opportunity to create new traditions. Inviting everyone to speak about how they would like to celebrate holidays and engage in various events can be fun and an opportunity for bonding.