Find yourself asking, “Why?”, more and more? Why am I feeling more stressed these days? Feeling more anxious adjusting to the school year or semester? Asking why is my child having difficulty in school or more behaviors at home than before?
It is hard for us to stop, process, and adjust. Many of us fall into two groups when our hill feels too steep to climb. Group 1, they don’t stop and keep trudging up the hill barely making it to the top. Group 2, they stop and stumble down the hill, not making it to the top at all. There is one thing both groups have in common on their journey up the hill. Neither group stops to catch their break, grabs some water, regroups, and starts again.
Try to compare this example to many life experiences we have had during the pandemic. Consider the steep hill of a first-year college student this year. Due to the pandemics for a year and a half this group of young adults were asked to shelter in place, put their social development on hold, and reshape how they learn in a classroom. Now we asked them to go forth and learn a completely new culture, lifestyle, and academic endeavor with little to no bridge from the shelter in place to the steep learning curve of college life and immersed socialization. We have two groups of new college students trying to trudge up the hill with sweat and tears in their eyes and those that already rolled down the hill and gave up. We can’t turn a blind eye to the increase rates of suicide as well as the increase in symptoms of anxiety and depression.
How can we get more people to stop, catch their breath, grab water, and adjust before they keep moving to the top of the hill?
1. Talk more. This isn’t easy for many of us since we experienced an abrupt experience of social isolation. We are also are on the move. Carve out some time that is reasonable in the car, dinner table, or before turning to our screens at night to check in with our loved ones. Consider something we are struggling to work through, a difficult experience we had during our day, or checking in with our loved one.
2. Follow up. When someone opens up about something going related to a hill they are climbing, follow up and be specific. Your daughter who just started college this year may struggle with the question, “How’s it going?”, and may not have the energy to unravel it all. Try some specific follow up questions like, “What is your most interesting and challenging classes?” or “How have meals been? Do you have any people you have been enjoying to go out with?”.
3. Give time and space to process. Some people are ready to process right away, and others are avoidant. Consider the situation and the person. When you avoid catching your breath, taking a sip of water, and adjusting often makes the hill steeper than it needs to feel. Make the time, ask the questions, and watch for cues in yourself to see if you can make small adjustments along your way.
4. Talk, rehearse, and practice. Once we talk and process something we are experiencing, take the time to rehearse different options in managing the situation. Then, practice, put it in action versus avoid the situation/experience/challenge. Let’s bring this one to light- consider your 7-year-old who is struggling to manage impulse control in the classroom. Talk about it at, own it, rehearse examples and situation he is in or could be in related to having to control his impulses, then set up different times he can practice throughout his day. Then praise, adjust, and keep practicing!
5. Own it. Many of us default to, “I don’t know why I am feeling this way.” or “I don’t understand why my child is struggling to manage school right now.”, rather than giving the time and space to process and owning it. When we avoid talking and processing our emotions, it makes it extremely challenging to get up that hill. Even if we make it up that hill, the next one may feel two times steeper unless we stop and adjust.
6. Seek out professional help if needed. Don’t keep falling down the hill or struggling to get up the hill without water. Seek out support through counseling services. There are different types of services and treatments out there, look for the one the best fits your needs.
